No news is simply no news

Haven't updated because there is nothing to say. No blood-letting and no pregnancy. It is a mystery, looks like my body is REALLY trying to tell me it is done. The thing is, I am stubborn.

So I am getting needles stuck in various parts of my body to bring on the blood-letting, after that I will have to see what the next step is.

It is all a little frustrating.

Darch

A spot of pink changes everything!

This afternoon when I wiped there was a little pink spot, could it be implantation spotting???? Hope not because I had a few beers watching the Super Bowl yesterday, that was how sure I was that there is no way that I could be pregnant. But now with this little spot of pink, a bit of wonder has set in *sigh* and the roller-coaster begins.

Ellen is lying next to me sleeping, she is cute as a button, just thought you would like to know.

Darch

Back to the acupuncturist...and the infertility diet.

Didn’t realize how much I missed going to acupuncture until I went back. After getting needles stuck in various places on my body, I fell asleep, not a half sleep, a deep full sleep. It was heavenly. I always feel so relaxed after a session I am often a bit out of sorts. And the best part was I got to show off Ellen again, I absolutely love that part!

It also means I am back on the herbs, not THE herb but the awful tasting herbal teas to help me with my infertility issues. Basically I have blood deficiency and blood stasis, in western medicine terms I am anaemic and clotty, (the blood doesn’t flow well).

And I am back to the infertility diet:
No dairy - not an issue, I use rice milk mostly, except for cheese, I love cheese but I can have goat cheese.
No Wheat – I eat spelt cereal as it is, I miss bread but it isn’t too bad and there are spelt replacements and I tend to eat rice pastas anyway.
No Sugar – Easy Peasy
No Booze – I will miss my wine
No caffeine – this is hard, some days that is the only energy I have!
Eat organic – I already do this, as much as I can

Isn’t this the most fascinating stuff?

Darch

And the 2 week wait begins....

It seems a little odd to think about it really. I don’t think I am going to get pregnant this cycle. I don’t think I am going to get pregnant without assistance. Today I didn’t think about it at all until I ordered a coffee then realized I have to be off the caffeine, I drank it anyway. Now I am blogging about it and I don’t have that much to say. There is no belief in success and there is no anger or frustration about impending failure. So really there is nothing interesting at all.

In other news......

I am teaching myself how to knit socks, it is going well, easier than I thought but for some reason I am knitting them inside out. I will post a photo when I am done, they are an earthy coloured wool and bamboo blend, quite lovely I think.

Ellen has a nasty bum and it is too cold for her to have some diaper free time, I have taken her off solids and hopefully the nastiness will calm down.

It is freaking cold here in Calgary so we have been house bound. Both Ellen and I are going a little stir crazy, hoping that tomorrow we can get out for a walk, it will be a balmy -23 (celsius).

Everything is well in the House of Darch & Bones, just a tad on the boring side.

Darch

I regret to inform you all that the world is coming to an end. I know this becaue my fertility monitor just gave me a peak reading on cycle day 14.

So sorry,

Darch

Appointments & Exhaustion!

Well the appointment with the RE went really well. We showed off some Ellen pictures, bragged about how great Ellen is and he seemed genuinely pleased for us.

So now I have to wait for my next cd1, call the clinic to get my HSG scheduled, fun. Last time was horrible, I actually cried, not bawl my eyes out cry but that quiet cry where the tears were just streaming down. The dr kept reassuring me this was just to get one step closer to having a baby, I knew that but for some reason I needed that emotional release. So needless to say I am not looking forward to the next one. I am hoping last time was a release of all the frustrations I had felt trying to have a child and this time it will be easier on me.

I have cd3 blood work to check my base hormone levels, cd21 & cd28 blood work to see if I have ovulated and what my progesterone levels are. I will also have an abdominal ultrasound, yahoo I have missed the dildo-cam! (yes that is sarcasm)

After all the testing is done we visit with the RE and start the hormone suppression, injections, dildo-cam sessions and turkey basting. *sigh*

Thing is I have so much sh*t going on in my life, mostly to do with a family member and some of my family reads this so I am not going to name names but I am going to say, can’t we all just get along and quit the power struggles and just because I refuse to play the game, doesn’t mean I don’t care, ahh but I digress, I am tired, exhausted in fact and you need energy, drive, determination to go through treatments. Right now I feel like I save everything positive for Ellen and I really don’t think it is fair to deprive her if I don’t have the strength to go through it all at the moment. Then I have to remind myself, I may be in a completely different place in a couple of months.

Right now I really need something to be easy but am I even in a head space to recognize when something is easy, it just seems that every little thing is a struggle at the moment. I am just worn out, physically, emotionally, I am just worn out.

Darch

On to the next...

So my next appointment at the Fertility Clinic is on January 18th. Not sure what the appointment will yield. It maybe that I am put back on the wait list and we get started with all the preliminary testing or maybe we can start right away.

Ellen will be 6 months and 1 day. My emotions are very mixed. I definitely want more children and I definitely want more time with just Ellen. But with my old and crusty eggs I have to get a move on.

Darch

ps Life will Ellen is still amazing!