4 Months – Life with Ellen

Simply wonderful.

She is a dream. Bones and I can’t believe how lucky we are with her. We are both so in love. Some people say that having a child can drift the parents apart, for us it has brought us closer. Bones & I are quite stubborn people so working together is somewhat of a challenge, with Ellen we are on the same page even when we disagree.

Breastfeeding has just not worked out for us. When she was born my breasts were too big for her mouth, so I pumped and tried to use a shield. That worked, my milk production went up then it came crashing down. So I tried some milk producing teas, and pumped like mad, got my milk production back up, got her off the shield and felt like the natural mama I wanted to be. I had a few weeks of breastfeeding bliss when my production once again went down. On to the pills, my production came back but Ellen was frustrated with the boob by this point so I pumped, once again I dried up. At this point I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. It was rejection like I had never felt before having her scream at the boob and each time I dried up I felt it was a personal failure.

My lowest point as a mom sounded something like this, ‘ I couldn’t get pregnant on my own, then my body wasn’t a good home for her anymore so I had to be induced, now I can’t even feed her’, said with the crying of a mom who is exhausted and feeling very guilty.

Thankfully I was able to move on, she is such a terrific baby and some of that has to do with my parenting.....right?!?

This little girl hates her car seat, hates her stroller so we carry her. This has brought on a carrier obsession. I have a stretchy wrap, great for when she was a newborn as it pulled her in so close, a pouch sling for the pool, a ring sling for when I am running errands and I loved Bones’ Mei Tai carrier so much that I ordered one for myself. My shoe obsession has been successfully transferred! Ellen loves being worn around.

In 4 months she has grown 5.5 inches and gained 7lbs 4oz, 2 teeth are coming in, she has been on a plane, gone on a long road trip, been to a wine tasting, (unfortunately there was not milk tastings going on for her), and fed a giraffe. She has taken all of this in stride.

Ellen has a few nicknames, Gussy Fussbucket for those days she decides that laid back is not the way to go, the 24 inch dictator, Droolly Malone, Stinky McFartsalot, Buttercup and Sweet Pea. At this rate it will be at the kindergarten role call when she will finally figure out her real name.

She loves to give kisses, which take the form of opening her drooly, teething mouth and rubbing it on your face. They are precious and you feel so special when you get her slobbery present, but it is best if you have a face cloth on hand. I now understand the need for 50 face cloths!

Ellen plays her own version of hide and go seek, she places her head in your chest then looks out into the world and gives out a cry of joy and places her head back into your chest. I love this game.

She prefers showers over baths, loves to sleep with mommy & daddy, hates to be alone, loves her playgroup, loves to look at pictures on the computer, loves her mobile and loves the dogs. She will even give them treats if they sit for her, such a generous girl.

Ellen is a true dream, we are so lucky to have this little girl.

Darch

Nipple confusion of a different sort.

Really early this morning Ellen didn’t want to be put down in her bassinette so I brought her in bed with me. She cuddled in close, I was on my side facing her, she was on her side facing me when she latched onto my nose. Once asleep she let it go.

These moments are the best.

Darch

They blame rapid population growth

It has been so long since I posted and so much has happened. I am going to start with a post I was working on before we left for Ottawa. It is about a heinous crime that occurred a block away from where we live so if you find it hard to read about such things skip this post.

Bones took the dogs out for a walk in the morning and noticed a tented off crime scene area. Listening to the news we found out a woman was murdered. Later that morning a police officer came by to see if we had heard anything. She was found a block and a half away from our house on a person’s lawn.

From the news we found out she was viciously raped and beaten in the outdoor hockey arena in our local park. It is where we have our community spring market, local artists, crafts persons and small business set up booths, there is an antique car exhibition and a calypso band belts out tunes on their steel drums. The neighbourhood kids play on the jungle gym, swings and slides, in the winter they go tobogganing if we are lucky enough to have a snowfall that sticks around for any length of time. After the hockey arena was threatened with being torn down the community rallied to keep it open. This is a community place.

She managed to leave the arena, bloodied and partially clad and make her way down the hill yelling for help. Three households admitted to hearing her but didn’t make any call. This all occurred between 3-5am.

Days later when they released her photo I recognized her. She was one of the local prostitutes who I often saw across the street at the 7-11. She was always getting the largest slurpee going and other sugary sweets while I was caving into my pregnancy craving of Oreo ice cream.

This happened during a week when there were 9 violent incidents and recently there was a car load of people who randomly stabbed 4 people, killing one. How can I raise a child here?

I am absolutely pissed off at my neighbours who heard her cries but did nothing. How loud where her screams to wake someone up when she was outside and they were inside? One excuse given, his property was where she was found, thought that it wouldn’t do any good to call 911 as he didn’t know where the cries were coming from. WHAT??? 911 – this is my address – I am hearing a woman screaming, ‘HELP ME’, (he did hear the words clearly), - not sure where the cries are coming from. How effing hard is that!

Some people believe she was a prostitute so it is separate, this isn’t really going to affect us, well I am affected. It really could have been anyone, I have been propositioned before. What if I was out walking Cody, he often whines to go out for a pee in the middle of the night.

It seems so easy for some to dismiss this occurrence because she was a prostitute, it doesn’t matter, she didn’t deserve it. Period.

Darch

No words to describe

Bones, Ellen & I are heading home for the funeral of our little niece, 14 months old, a real tragedy. We have been holding Ellen a little closer, missing our niece and worrying about her parents.

Good-bye little one,

Darch

She’s Here – The Labour

After a week of Severe Restricted Activity where I was checked in on repeatedly by the Antenatal Community Care Program to monitor my blood pressure and being sent back and forth to the hospital the decision was made to induce. The decision was made on a Friday, Sunday July 15th the appointment was made. My mom flew out on Friday evening. It looked like everything was in place.

Sunday came and my blood pressures were high so off the hospital, before my appointment, and I received the suppository that would soften the cervix and hopefully start labour, early. Wow, I had such severe cramps that I didn’t sleep at all that night. The next morning I was checked and not dilated. So we tried again. Went home made some calls, paid some bills, the cramping got worse.

While talking to my sister-in-law I was in so much pain I had to get off the phone. Walked around a bit thinking that would ease the cramping but it didn’t, at this point I could barely take it anymore and thought I should go back to the hospital. While there it got more and more intense, I thought this was severe cramping, when I was finally checked, I was 3cm dilated. WHOA....I was in labour!?!?!?! How did that happen????

Within hours I dilated 3cm, hours later I dilated another 3, for those who are unfamiliar with induction, it is like running a marathon without the training. Pregnancy is an amazing thing, your body trains, Braxton-Hicks contractions, and will get your body prepared for labour, it may take days to weeks to dilate to 3cm, for example. Needless to say I was in so much pain I was screaming for drugs and became really disassociated with my body and even my baby.

I was stuck in Maternity Triage waiting for a labouring room so they gave me some morphine, it only took the edge off. I had little time between contractions to gain control, mostly I was out of control. Finally I got a labouring room, now the challenge would be staying still while getting the epidural. I had 4 contractions while the epidural was being administered. Thankfully the nurse was in my face like a drill sgt keeping me breathing and she had a firm grip on my arms.

The epidural was heavenly, I couldn’t feel a thing, labour was slowed down but that was a good thing, by that time I hadn’t slept for 40 hours so thought I could get some shut eye. Nope, I was too excited. By 7am Tuesday morning I was 9cm, still no sleep, 9am, fully dilated, still no sleep. Decided to wait a bit and let my contractions to push down the baby a bit. Plus I laid off the epidural, (I was in control of the drugs), so that I could feel the need to push.

At this point I was nervous, a bit dizzy and thinking, ‘holy crap I am going to have a baby?!?!?!’.

Around 10am I began to push. The first bit was great, then my left butt and lower back began to hurt. Thought I had pulled something. With each push it hurt more. Tried to readjust but nothing would ease. At this point the baby pooped and everything changed. She needed to come out now and I got a bit panicked, the discomfort turned to pain and I began to lose control.

As she was crowning there is a pain the nurse called the ring of fire, (not the ring of fire I usually associated with eating too many hot wings the night before if you get my drift), at this point I had to hold. The nurse here was amazing she was in my face helping me keep focus. This was horrendous pain, actually shouted out repeatedly that I couldn’t do this. All I could think in my head was, ‘she has to come out now’ and ‘I will never be able to have a second’. Then the pain eased, (I had torn), one final push and she was out. Feeling here come out was the most amazing thing I had ever felt. Total euphoria. She cried right away.

I can do this again.

Because she pooped she was taken to be looked at to make sure she didn’t aspirate anything. I couldn’t see her. All I could picture was her ultrasound photo where she looked like she had long legs so I asked, ‘Does she have legs?’. All the medical staff looked at me strangely, the doctor looked up from stitching me up, and laughed. At that point I realized what I had said and explained myself.

Bones was amazing throughout, there is no way I would have been able to get through it without him.

This experience taught me a lot about pain. Hopefully these lessons will remain in my memory if I ever am lucky enough to go through this again.

My daughter was born 10:57am July 17th, 6lbs 2oz, 19 inches.

She’s here, she’s beautiful, she’s perfect my little Ellen Dianne.

Darch

Here we go again!

So it would appear that when I begin to breath a little easier all of the sudden I am thrown for a loop.

I am in the hospital. Went to my 36 week prenatal appointment yesterday and my blood pressure was 132/98, I was sent straight to the hospital. Getting into the car and driving there I was a bit of a robot thinking they are just going to do some tests and I would be on my way. I mean I had a Stampede Lunch to go to, (will eventually write a post on Stampede in Calgary, it is truly an experience!). As soon as I got to the triage desk, I started crying. As much as I wanted to meet the wee one, I want her to stay in to term.

Once I got a room in triage they had me hooked up to a fetal monitor. Thankfully this little girl is so active that I haven’t been too worried about her health. I also got hooked up to a blood pressure monitor that automatically checked my bp every 15 minutes. It when down for a bit but started rising again. The doctor looking after me wanted to induce.

After consulting the senior OB/GYN the decision was to do a 24 hour urine, (to check for protein in the urine), and to monitor my bp every 4 hours. My bp is still high. Today at 4pm the 24 hour urine ends and shortly after that I will find out what will happen.

So far these are the plans:

- If the urine comes back with too much protein, induce.

- If my bp is still high but urine ok, induce on Tuesday, (I will be 37 weeks and the baby will be considered term at that point).

- If my bp stabilizes, I will be at home on modified bed rest with a nurse coming by daily to check my bp and monitor the wee one. This is most likely what will occur.

All I know for sure at this point is there is no more work for me, which is distressing in itself as there are a few loose ends I would have preferred to tie up before leaving, and I am filled with mixed emotions. As much as I don’t want to have my baby now, I am so excited to meet her. Bones and I had some giggley bonding time as we contemplated being induced. I was excited and ready to go by the time the plug was pulled on that plan.

I did manage to head out for a walk today. The hospital is along a reservoir, check out the pic, so there is a nice path and I got to pet some pooches who were out for walks. Wish I thought of having my dogs meet me out there for a visit when Bones dropped by this morning.

Update: Had to stay a 2nd night, Bones brought the dogs, (that is me doing my best Jabba the Hutt impression, look at happy Cody), for a visit. I will be heading home with a nurse coming by everyday to make sure everything is still hunky dory.

Darch

TMI – The boob update

Here are the stats:

I have gained 30lbs so far.
My chest size has gone from 36 to 38, not bad.
My cup size has gone from well let us just say that they have increased 4 cup sizes, (now this would not be so bad if I started at an A, B, or even C, but that was simply not the case…. ). No Joke. I could wear my bras as a toque, and they would fit quite comfortably.

Now the word out on the street is that they will increase 1 more cup size once the milk comes in. How high do cup sizes go again?????

If I have milk production issues I will be majorly pissed, I mean there is all this storage room created in there, don’t want it to go to waste!

On a more positive note, my expanding belly makes the boobs look smaller and the ever-expanding boobs make my belly look smaller.

It will be interesting when I lose the belly but am breastfeeding! Maybe I can make some extra bucks headlining as a stripper, at least my start-up costs would be low as I wouldn’t need the boob job.

Oh the possibilities!

Darch