Thursday, March 8, 2007

More details on the detailed scan.

Sorry for the brief update yesterday, it has been quite hectic these past few weeks. Well maybe not exactly hectic, more I really can’t get done in a day everything I want to get done.

The ultrasound was a huge relief yesterday. It has been difficult to really think this pregnancy will all work out. We have gone through so much to get here, so much loss that I needed to protect myself from any possibility of hurt. Not that it is an achievable goal, each step has brought reassurance and hope. What started as a way to inform our family and friends of our pregnancy, has turned into a way for me to let the positive experiences and feelings in. Try and shed the hurt and anger that has built up over the last few years and that I have been wearing around as a shield.

The last few days before the ultrasound, I woke up from intense nightmares that the baby was dead. Yesterday I woke up at 4am, full of excitement and dread. It is so hard to explain the opposing emotions, it was all quite confusing, even to me. As the scan began she didn’t move at all, then there was a twitch and we began to see definite movement. A wash of calm passed over me that hasn’t left.

We are so excited, it is a lot more real now; she looks like a baby. Head-on she looks more like Skeletor but that is just the nature of ultrasound imaging. Her profile is delicate and simply beautiful.

We have been asked so many times if we have a preference, my answer has always been, ‘a live baby’. Even though Bones was convinced it was a girl, he would have been ecstatic with a boy. It would appear that I was one of the few who didn’t have a clue as to the sex. My neighbour saw some 0-6 month old tights on sale and bought me some, most of Bones’s coworkers thought it would be a girl and my girlfriend’s husband thought it would be a girl because he could see me as a mom to a girl. Maybe my fears got in the way.

Thank-you so much for the well wishes.



20 something said...

I lost my first pregnancy at just over 13 weeks and when I went in for my 12 week scan with this one I was in a terrible state. It was such a relief seeing the little bean moving around happily in there - I don't think there is a better feeling in the world. Good luck and I am sure everything will go well for you.

Kathryn - partner of Donna said...

So happy to hear it all went well.