Tuesday, January 29, 2008

And the 2 week wait begins....

It seems a little odd to think about it really. I don’t think I am going to get pregnant this cycle. I don’t think I am going to get pregnant without assistance. Today I didn’t think about it at all until I ordered a coffee then realized I have to be off the caffeine, I drank it anyway. Now I am blogging about it and I don’t have that much to say. There is no belief in success and there is no anger or frustration about impending failure. So really there is nothing interesting at all.

In other news......

I am teaching myself how to knit socks, it is going well, easier than I thought but for some reason I am knitting them inside out. I will post a photo when I am done, they are an earthy coloured wool and bamboo blend, quite lovely I think.

Ellen has a nasty bum and it is too cold for her to have some diaper free time, I have taken her off solids and hopefully the nastiness will calm down.

It is freaking cold here in Calgary so we have been house bound. Both Ellen and I are going a little stir crazy, hoping that tomorrow we can get out for a walk, it will be a balmy -23 (celsius).

Everything is well in the House of Darch & Bones, just a tad on the boring side.


Sunday, January 27, 2008

I regret to inform you all that the world is coming to an end. I know this becaue my fertility monitor just gave me a peak reading on cycle day 14.

So sorry,


Thursday, January 24, 2008

Appointments & Exhaustion!

Well the appointment with the RE went really well. We showed off some Ellen pictures, bragged about how great Ellen is and he seemed genuinely pleased for us.

So now I have to wait for my next cd1, call the clinic to get my HSG scheduled, fun. Last time was horrible, I actually cried, not bawl my eyes out cry but that quiet cry where the tears were just streaming down. The dr kept reassuring me this was just to get one step closer to having a baby, I knew that but for some reason I needed that emotional release. So needless to say I am not looking forward to the next one. I am hoping last time was a release of all the frustrations I had felt trying to have a child and this time it will be easier on me.

I have cd3 blood work to check my base hormone levels, cd21 & cd28 blood work to see if I have ovulated and what my progesterone levels are. I will also have an abdominal ultrasound, yahoo I have missed the dildo-cam! (yes that is sarcasm)

After all the testing is done we visit with the RE and start the hormone suppression, injections, dildo-cam sessions and turkey basting. *sigh*

Thing is I have so much sh*t going on in my life, mostly to do with a family member and some of my family reads this so I am not going to name names but I am going to say, can’t we all just get along and quit the power struggles and just because I refuse to play the game, doesn’t mean I don’t care, ahh but I digress, I am tired, exhausted in fact and you need energy, drive, determination to go through treatments. Right now I feel like I save everything positive for Ellen and I really don’t think it is fair to deprive her if I don’t have the strength to go through it all at the moment. Then I have to remind myself, I may be in a completely different place in a couple of months.

Right now I really need something to be easy but am I even in a head space to recognize when something is easy, it just seems that every little thing is a struggle at the moment. I am just worn out, physically, emotionally, I am just worn out.


Monday, January 14, 2008

On to the next...

So my next appointment at the Fertility Clinic is on January 18th. Not sure what the appointment will yield. It maybe that I am put back on the wait list and we get started with all the preliminary testing or maybe we can start right away.

Ellen will be 6 months and 1 day. My emotions are very mixed. I definitely want more children and I definitely want more time with just Ellen. But with my old and crusty eggs I have to get a move on.


ps Life will Ellen is still amazing!