Appointments & Exhaustion!

Well the appointment with the RE went really well. We showed off some Ellen pictures, bragged about how great Ellen is and he seemed genuinely pleased for us.

So now I have to wait for my next cd1, call the clinic to get my HSG scheduled, fun. Last time was horrible, I actually cried, not bawl my eyes out cry but that quiet cry where the tears were just streaming down. The dr kept reassuring me this was just to get one step closer to having a baby, I knew that but for some reason I needed that emotional release. So needless to say I am not looking forward to the next one. I am hoping last time was a release of all the frustrations I had felt trying to have a child and this time it will be easier on me.

I have cd3 blood work to check my base hormone levels, cd21 & cd28 blood work to see if I have ovulated and what my progesterone levels are. I will also have an abdominal ultrasound, yahoo I have missed the dildo-cam! (yes that is sarcasm)

After all the testing is done we visit with the RE and start the hormone suppression, injections, dildo-cam sessions and turkey basting. *sigh*

Thing is I have so much sh*t going on in my life, mostly to do with a family member and some of my family reads this so I am not going to name names but I am going to say, can’t we all just get along and quit the power struggles and just because I refuse to play the game, doesn’t mean I don’t care, ahh but I digress, I am tired, exhausted in fact and you need energy, drive, determination to go through treatments. Right now I feel like I save everything positive for Ellen and I really don’t think it is fair to deprive her if I don’t have the strength to go through it all at the moment. Then I have to remind myself, I may be in a completely different place in a couple of months.

Right now I really need something to be easy but am I even in a head space to recognize when something is easy, it just seems that every little thing is a struggle at the moment. I am just worn out, physically, emotionally, I am just worn out.

Darch