Didn’t realize how much I missed going to acupuncture until I went back. After getting needles stuck in various places on my body, I fell asleep, not a half sleep, a deep full sleep. It was heavenly. I always feel so relaxed after a session I am often a bit out of sorts. And the best part was I got to show off Ellen again, I absolutely love that part!
It also means I am back on the herbs, not THE herb but the awful tasting herbal teas to help me with my infertility issues. Basically I have blood deficiency and blood stasis, in western medicine terms I am anaemic and clotty, (the blood doesn’t flow well).
And I am back to the infertility diet:
No dairy - not an issue, I use rice milk mostly, except for cheese, I love cheese but I can have goat cheese.
No Wheat – I eat spelt cereal as it is, I miss bread but it isn’t too bad and there are spelt replacements and I tend to eat rice pastas anyway.
No Sugar – Easy Peasy
No Booze – I will miss my wine
No caffeine – this is hard, some days that is the only energy I have!
Eat organic – I already do this, as much as I can
Isn’t this the most fascinating stuff?
Darch
Friday, February 1, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
And the 2 week wait begins....
It seems a little odd to think about it really. I don’t think I am going to get pregnant this cycle. I don’t think I am going to get pregnant without assistance. Today I didn’t think about it at all until I ordered a coffee then realized I have to be off the caffeine, I drank it anyway. Now I am blogging about it and I don’t have that much to say. There is no belief in success and there is no anger or frustration about impending failure. So really there is nothing interesting at all.
In other news......
I am teaching myself how to knit socks, it is going well, easier than I thought but for some reason I am knitting them inside out. I will post a photo when I am done, they are an earthy coloured wool and bamboo blend, quite lovely I think.
Ellen has a nasty bum and it is too cold for her to have some diaper free time, I have taken her off solids and hopefully the nastiness will calm down.
It is freaking cold here in Calgary so we have been house bound. Both Ellen and I are going a little stir crazy, hoping that tomorrow we can get out for a walk, it will be a balmy -23 (celsius).
Everything is well in the House of Darch & Bones, just a tad on the boring side.
Darch
In other news......
I am teaching myself how to knit socks, it is going well, easier than I thought but for some reason I am knitting them inside out. I will post a photo when I am done, they are an earthy coloured wool and bamboo blend, quite lovely I think.
Ellen has a nasty bum and it is too cold for her to have some diaper free time, I have taken her off solids and hopefully the nastiness will calm down.
It is freaking cold here in Calgary so we have been house bound. Both Ellen and I are going a little stir crazy, hoping that tomorrow we can get out for a walk, it will be a balmy -23 (celsius).
Everything is well in the House of Darch & Bones, just a tad on the boring side.
Darch
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Appointments & Exhaustion!
Well the appointment with the RE went really well. We showed off some Ellen pictures, bragged about how great Ellen is and he seemed genuinely pleased for us.
So now I have to wait for my next cd1, call the clinic to get my HSG scheduled, fun. Last time was horrible, I actually cried, not bawl my eyes out cry but that quiet cry where the tears were just streaming down. The dr kept reassuring me this was just to get one step closer to having a baby, I knew that but for some reason I needed that emotional release. So needless to say I am not looking forward to the next one. I am hoping last time was a release of all the frustrations I had felt trying to have a child and this time it will be easier on me.
I have cd3 blood work to check my base hormone levels, cd21 & cd28 blood work to see if I have ovulated and what my progesterone levels are. I will also have an abdominal ultrasound, yahoo I have missed the dildo-cam! (yes that is sarcasm)
After all the testing is done we visit with the RE and start the hormone suppression, injections, dildo-cam sessions and turkey basting. *sigh*
Thing is I have so much sh*t going on in my life, mostly to do with a family member and some of my family reads this so I am not going to name names but I am going to say, can’t we all just get along and quit the power struggles and just because I refuse to play the game, doesn’t mean I don’t care, ahh but I digress, I am tired, exhausted in fact and you need energy, drive, determination to go through treatments. Right now I feel like I save everything positive for Ellen and I really don’t think it is fair to deprive her if I don’t have the strength to go through it all at the moment. Then I have to remind myself, I may be in a completely different place in a couple of months.
Right now I really need something to be easy but am I even in a head space to recognize when something is easy, it just seems that every little thing is a struggle at the moment. I am just worn out, physically, emotionally, I am just worn out.
Darch
So now I have to wait for my next cd1, call the clinic to get my HSG scheduled, fun. Last time was horrible, I actually cried, not bawl my eyes out cry but that quiet cry where the tears were just streaming down. The dr kept reassuring me this was just to get one step closer to having a baby, I knew that but for some reason I needed that emotional release. So needless to say I am not looking forward to the next one. I am hoping last time was a release of all the frustrations I had felt trying to have a child and this time it will be easier on me.
I have cd3 blood work to check my base hormone levels, cd21 & cd28 blood work to see if I have ovulated and what my progesterone levels are. I will also have an abdominal ultrasound, yahoo I have missed the dildo-cam! (yes that is sarcasm)
After all the testing is done we visit with the RE and start the hormone suppression, injections, dildo-cam sessions and turkey basting. *sigh*
Thing is I have so much sh*t going on in my life, mostly to do with a family member and some of my family reads this so I am not going to name names but I am going to say, can’t we all just get along and quit the power struggles and just because I refuse to play the game, doesn’t mean I don’t care, ahh but I digress, I am tired, exhausted in fact and you need energy, drive, determination to go through treatments. Right now I feel like I save everything positive for Ellen and I really don’t think it is fair to deprive her if I don’t have the strength to go through it all at the moment. Then I have to remind myself, I may be in a completely different place in a couple of months.
Right now I really need something to be easy but am I even in a head space to recognize when something is easy, it just seems that every little thing is a struggle at the moment. I am just worn out, physically, emotionally, I am just worn out.
Darch
Monday, January 14, 2008
On to the next...
So my next appointment at the Fertility Clinic is on January 18th. Not sure what the appointment will yield. It maybe that I am put back on the wait list and we get started with all the preliminary testing or maybe we can start right away.
Ellen will be 6 months and 1 day. My emotions are very mixed. I definitely want more children and I definitely want more time with just Ellen. But with my old and crusty eggs I have to get a move on.
Darch
ps Life will Ellen is still amazing!
Ellen will be 6 months and 1 day. My emotions are very mixed. I definitely want more children and I definitely want more time with just Ellen. But with my old and crusty eggs I have to get a move on.
Darch
ps Life will Ellen is still amazing!
Friday, November 16, 2007
4 Months – Life with Ellen
Simply wonderful.
She is a dream. Bones and I can’t believe how lucky we are with her. We are both so in love. Some people say that having a child can drift the parents apart, for us it has brought us closer. Bones & I are quite stubborn people so working together is somewhat of a challenge, with Ellen we are on the same page even when we disagree.
Breastfeeding has just not worked out for us. When she was born my breasts were too big for her mouth, so I pumped and tried to use a shield. That worked, my milk production went up then it
came crashing down. So I tried some milk producing teas, and pumped like mad, got my milk production back up, got her off the shield and felt like the natural mama I wanted to be. I had a few weeks of breastfeeding bliss when my production once again went down. On to the pills, my production came back but Ellen was frustrated with the boob by this point so I pumped, once again I dried up. At this point I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. It was rejection like I had never felt before having her scream at the boob and each time I dried up I felt it was a personal failure.
My lowest point as a mom sounded something like this, ‘ I couldn’t get pregnant on my own, then my body wasn’t a good home for her anymore so I had to be induced, now I can’t even feed her’, said with the crying of a mom who is exhausted and feeling very guilty.
Thankful
ly I was able to move on, she is such a terrific baby and some of that has to do with my parenting.....right?!?
This little girl hates her car seat, hates her stroller so we carry her. This has brought on a carrier obsession. I have a stretchy wrap, great for when she was a newborn as it pulled her in so close, a pouch sling for the pool, a ring sling for when I am running errands and I loved Bones’ Mei Tai carrier so much that I ordered one for myself. My shoe obsession has been successfully transferred! Ellen loves being worn around.
In 4 months she has grown 5.5 inches and gained 7lbs 4oz, 2 teeth are coming in, she has been on a plane, gone on a long road trip, been to a wine tasting, (unfortunately there was not milk tastings going on for her), and fed a giraffe. She has taken all of this in stride.
Ellen has a few nicknames, Gussy Fussbucket for those days she decides that laid back is not the way to go, the 24 inch dictator, Droolly Malone, Stinky McFartsalot, Buttercup and Sweet Pea. At this rate it will be at the kindergarten role call when she will finally figure out her real name.
She loves to give kisses, which take the form of opening her drooly, teething mouth and rubbing it on your face. They are precious and you feel so special when you get her slobbery present, but it is best if you have a face cloth on
hand. I now understand the need for 50 face cloths!
Ellen plays her own version of hide and go seek, she places her head in your chest then looks out into the world and gives out a cry of joy and places her head back into your chest. I love this game.
She prefers showers over baths, loves to sleep with mommy & daddy, hates to be alone, loves her playgroup, loves to look at pictures on the computer, loves her mobile and loves the dogs. She will even give them treats if they sit for her, such a generous girl.
Ellen is a true dream, we are so lucky to have this little girl.
Darch
She is a dream. Bones and I can’t believe how lucky we are with her. We are both so in love. Some people say that having a child can drift the parents apart, for us it has brought us closer. Bones & I are quite stubborn people so working together is somewhat of a challenge, with Ellen we are on the same page even when we disagree.
Breastfeeding has just not worked out for us. When she was born my breasts were too big for her mouth, so I pumped and tried to use a shield. That worked, my milk production went up then it
came crashing down. So I tried some milk producing teas, and pumped like mad, got my milk production back up, got her off the shield and felt like the natural mama I wanted to be. I had a few weeks of breastfeeding bliss when my production once again went down. On to the pills, my production came back but Ellen was frustrated with the boob by this point so I pumped, once again I dried up. At this point I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. It was rejection like I had never felt before having her scream at the boob and each time I dried up I felt it was a personal failure.My lowest point as a mom sounded something like this, ‘ I couldn’t get pregnant on my own, then my body wasn’t a good home for her anymore so I had to be induced, now I can’t even feed her’, said with the crying of a mom who is exhausted and feeling very guilty.
Thankful
ly I was able to move on, she is such a terrific baby and some of that has to do with my parenting.....right?!?This little girl hates her car seat, hates her stroller so we carry her. This has brought on a carrier obsession. I have a stretchy wrap, great for when she was a newborn as it pulled her in so close, a pouch sling for the pool, a ring sling for when I am running errands and I loved Bones’ Mei Tai carrier so much that I ordered one for myself. My shoe obsession has been successfully transferred! Ellen loves being worn around.
In 4 months she has grown 5.5 inches and gained 7lbs 4oz, 2 teeth are coming in, she has been on a plane, gone on a long road trip, been to a wine tasting, (unfortunately there was not milk tastings going on for her), and fed a giraffe. She has taken all of this in stride.
Ellen has a few nicknames, Gussy Fussbucket for those days she decides that laid back is not the way to go, the 24 inch dictator, Droolly Malone, Stinky McFartsalot, Buttercup and Sweet Pea. At this rate it will be at the kindergarten role call when she will finally figure out her real name.
She loves to give kisses, which take the form of opening her drooly, teething mouth and rubbing it on your face. They are precious and you feel so special when you get her slobbery present, but it is best if you have a face cloth on
hand. I now understand the need for 50 face cloths!Ellen plays her own version of hide and go seek, she places her head in your chest then looks out into the world and gives out a cry of joy and places her head back into your chest. I love this game.
She prefers showers over baths, loves to sleep with mommy & daddy, hates to be alone, loves her playgroup, loves to look at pictures on the computer, loves her mobile and loves the dogs. She will even give them treats if they sit for her, such a generous girl.
Ellen is a true dream, we are so lucky to have this little girl.
Darch
Monday, September 3, 2007
Nipple confusion of a different sort.
Really early this morning Ellen didn’t want to be put down in her bassinette so I brought her in bed with me. She cuddled in close, I was on my side facing her, she was on her side facing me when she latched onto my nose. Once asleep she let it go.
These moments are the best.
Darch
These moments are the best.
Darch
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